so i'm seventeen next monday.  thats scary.  next year i'll be a senior? even scarier.  right now all we're thinking about is surviving the day, surviving the week (and surviving the musical hah).  but just a moment ago... it was new years.... it was the first day at a new school.... it was summer.  it was yesterday... wasn't it?? 

i guess i should start thinking about college, but i have no idea where i want to go.  i suppose i'd like to go somewhere far away.  not because i don't like my family or this town or anything, because i do like them.  but because i need to be on my own, go places, see things.  i don't think my parents want me to go very far.  but just this once.... i need to go, i need the chance.  i'm not satisfied with a sheltered, average life.  i dont mean that in a selfish way or in an ungrateful way - i've been very lucky, in fact.  there's this pull, though, a gentle tug.

how do i know? i guess i just have to go with my heart.

"We cannot hide what we are, try as we will. It shines from within us. We are transparent. When we attempt to deceive, we deceive only ourselves."- James E. Faust

(thank you andrew j. and ensign magazine! thank you!)

so the big christmas concerts for honors choir were this weekend.  it's kind of sad in a way.... we won't ever sing those pieces again.  besides the traditional carols, of course.  i'd say they were good concerts.  i had a good time.   alright alright

so my confusion about everything is still there, but somehow i'm staying strong.  and reasonably calm as well.  i'm going to simply look forward to the holidays and then... after that i'll worry if things havent worked out yet.  don't you just hate when there's so many things you'd like to say, but you just CAN'T or you don't know how? alas.  something feels important here - i need to be making right decisions at this particular time especially.

i listened to the listening cd for choir next semester.  the song of the day is track 5 on it..... flower of beauty by john stanford.  its lovely.

this week is the busiest week ever! or pretty darn close... at least my schedule is working out so that things aren't conflicting!!

i am having a hard time being motivated for school.  i'm motivated for choir. and for making christmas presents.  and even piano.  i'm going to work on that this month.

i'd vent about piano and my silly hands but .... i've already done that.  i'm vented out.

i dont feel like typing to an online blog right now. i'll be back some other time.

song of the day - beatles "can't buy me love"

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

-switchfoot

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scary.... there was just a noise outside.......my heart is pounding.... okay being a liiiittle paranoid now karen....

so anyways tonight i went to mariya's house and we made t-shirts as "shark girls" and we're going to talk to the other shark girls and say that we will make them the shirts if they bring us a black shirt.  they look so cool. dude. yeah.

theres things i could say but i can't right now.  they are meant for my real journal i think.

feeeling good though

i gotta go, its late

yeah

woot

uh huh

i'm tired now, you can tell

a yup

okay bye, for real

-akren